Behave Yourself: How to Be A Hospitable Christian on Social Media

In a world where the internet is “everything,” I think each one of us needs to think about how to be a hospitable Christian on social media.

In episode 41, we talked about our need to be seen. When we’re irritated and rightly angry at others wanting to be “seen” in their sin, we need to remember that we all really want to be “seen,” and often our desire for it leads us to sin. We talked about social media and how it reflects this innate desire in each of us – but how God already sees us, and what that looked like in scripture.

Today I want to drill down together a little bit more about how we can be hospitable, or invite meaningful interaction, online. Whether that’s comments and conversations we’re having on Facebook or Instagram, or the content we’re creating and posting, or what we’re re-sharing, we have maybe unprecedented opportunity to glorify God to a huge audience, with our online interactions.

The words we speak say volumes about where we stand in relationship with God, they have incredible power for influence in truth and in love, and they even affect our own emotional and physical well-being.

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” -Proverbs 16:24

“For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” – Luke 6:43-45

Paul trip says, “You know, the Bible says I should never speak unwholesome communication. Now, by Bible definition, what follows is not a list of four-letter words that you should never speak. It says speak only what is needful for the moment that gives grace to the hearer. In other words, I should always speak in an other-centered way. I want everything I say to result in benefit. Let me say it this way: God’s definition of benefit to the person who is listening.”  (source)

I want to begin by saying it isn’t necessary that we speak at all online.

God tells us in several ways in scripture that having a gentle and quiet spirit, having patience to be quiet, and otherwise just keeping our mouths closed (see Ecclesiastes 3:7 and Proverbs 17:28), can be the most loving and God-honoring thing to do in a given setting. Having said that, I also believe that social media is our modern version of the quilting bee combined with the town square, and if we use it and use it wisely, we have a responsibility to be winsome and truthful, and even be willing to engage in conversations where we say hard things.

Not everyone agrees with me, but I actually think the online space gives us opportunities to speak the truth, in love, in ways never possible before, and I don’t think Christians should be absent from what I see as a huge opportunity for meaningful communication.

It is a challenge to say the hard things with grace and love, but we must listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit in us, even as we fill our minds with God’s word, so that we identify what the truth IS in a given situation. For me, when I’m not spending purposeful time in the Word, when I’m not resting in God, or when I’m listening to my own untrustworthy heart, I cannot speak with grace because of fear.

It may be fear of man which looks like being worried about what someone might think, more than what’s true and right.

It may be fear of failing, which could look like keeping quiet because I think speaking might not do any good.

It could also be fear of a negative outcome – which could look like my pushing too hard verbally or staying quiet when I should speak, because I’m trying to force a result in my own strength, from my opinions. Whether I spout off unkindly or angrily (or with sharp-toned sarcasm) or stay quiet when I should speak up, if I’m driven by fear or doubt, or focused only on what I think the outcome could or should be, I’m putting myself in the driver’s seat. I’m putting my own words or predictions in a place above God’s leading or His promises, and I will likely NOT glorify Him. 

If we choose to speak in the public sphere, and we’re willing to think about how to be a hospitable Christian on social media, let’s be intentional.

Here are some ways we can combat ungracious speech on social media, placing our trust firmly in God’s work through our obedience:

• Pray about it.
  • Whatever the issue is that’s on your heart or that you’ve read in a social post, pause and genuinely seek God’s leading. Timing matters here – devote time before spouting off. Journal your thoughts on the matter and revisit them a day or two later, if at all possible. And speaking of time, take TIME to

• Open your Bible and use Scripture as your foundation before speaking. 
  • What does the Bible have to say about this topic?
  • Is it nuanced? Look for multiple places where the issue is addressed and get a rich view of how God says it’s to be handled.
  • Did one of the prophets, writers of scripture, or Biblical leaders address this topic or one that’s related? What tone and actions did they use to speak to it?
• Seek godly counsel.
  • Go digging either in writing or in person to see what wise, seasoned believers have said or done in this realm. How have they approached it, either in person or publicly?

After taking these important steps to pray, seek the Bible for wisdom and looking for godly counsel, if God calls you to speak online, here are some guidelines to help you.

HOW TO SPEAK TO HARD TOPICS ON SOCIAL MEDIA

1. Be humble.
   • Always be willing to listen and learn. Don’t set out to rule a conversation or make your voice the loudest in the room.
   • Remember that God has graciously chosen to allow you to join Him in His work – but HE is the One who does the work. 
   • Sometimes we will mess up and speak in a way that’s unbecoming for God’s children (loud, rude, sarcastic, finger-pointing, name-calling…) It can be especially easy to fall into this when the other person is hurtful, rude, belligerent, etc. And side note: usually I find that when someone is upholding a position contrary to God’s commands, they degrade to this at some point. But we can reflect the gentleness and humility God displayed if we’re willing to say “I’m sorry,” even when the point we are making is correct. I’m not saying bow down to a lie, but to acknowledge that our approach or language has been unloving. And you never know who’s watching – I’ve actually had people, both Christians and non-Christians, who sometimes even disagreed with my position, reach out to me privately and confront me when I’m wrong, or thank me for maintaining a respectful tone, in a public conversation.
2. Set aside fear.
   • It’s vital for us to be willing to disagree with people and to not shy away from that hard conversation. While the world currently embraces a sort of surface-level, false sense of acceptance and agreement, Jesus clearly modeled for us that sometimes the most loving thing to do is to call out where someone is wrong, so that God can move in forgiveness and reconciliation.
   • Think of the woman at the well, the many times religious leaders were rebuked, and supernatural healings where Jesus would do a mighty work and then say, “Go, and sin no more.”
   • “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me.” (John 15:18-21)
   • “Better to be broken in pieces by the Spirit of God, than to be made whole by the flesh! What does the Lord say? “I kill.” But what next? “I make alive.” He never makes any alive but those He kills.” – Charles Spurgeon (source, and here)
   • Now Spurgeon wasn’t saying that we wound people, although elsewhere he made it clear that his sermons might wound in order to reveal the spiritual depravity that must drive us to Christ. Our mindset can never be to cause harm, rather we are called to be ambassadors pointing others toward Christ. And always, our mindset has to be that we will love those we encounter enough to be willing to risk that they will be angry with us, hopefully with the end result that they’ll know truth, freedom, life and love in Christ. And it is for this reason that we have to:
3. Be prayerful about when to bring up topics.
   • I can’t state this enough – I know from my own experience, we will always, in the flesh, err in our communication, whether it’s online or in person. But when we seek the Holy Spirit for direction and for equipping, we honor God and place ourselves in the way of His working. Psalm 141:3 says, “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” The Psalmist knew what we need to remember – we need the Holy Spirit to lead us in speaking and in remaining silent.
4. Think about the person on the other side of the screen.
   • What does he or she look like? What’s his or her life experience? How might their experience lead them to hear what we have to say? Now we’ve already addressed that their response cannot dictate what we say, but it can certainly help us be loving in how we say it. As we begin to speak, we can continue to prayerfully ask God to help us see the person we speak to, or about, with His eyes.
5. Remember the goal is heart change. 
   • When I share about hard topics online (or when you do), my goal should not ever be “to win.” I can’t have the motivation of making myself more seen (listen to episode 41 for more on this), or just to shout down wrongs, so to speak. My heart’s desire should align with God’s, and His desire is that all might come to know and worship Him. When deciding what to record or type, I need to think in terms of what is loving and truthful, that God might use to transform hearts and wake up spiritually dead people.
   • Remembering heart change is the goal can also help us remember that God has to do the work. There’s no message I can share or statement I can make that will convince someone they’re wrong and they need Jesus. Only the Spirit of God can do that – so often there comes a time when I need to just be quiet and let Him speak to hearts.
6. Invite off-screen contact. 
   • This is huge, and I think, actually really important. There have been several times when a debate has arisen on my Facebook page and I’ve replied to a comment with, “hey, if you’ll message me, I can share my email or phone number.” Now, obviously, use wisdom with appropriate contact (if you’re a woman, make sure you’ve included your husband and/or his wife or another godly person in any conversation with a man, for instance). But remember that on the other side of any screen, there’s a real person and social media will always be secondary to real, person-to-person communication for moving past emotion or triteness, and into real-life, transformative connection.

A couple years ago on my friend Esther’s podcast, we chatted about this topic. Esther pointed out something that might seem obvious, but often gets lost in online conversation: “The person on the other side of the screen is a person that Jesus loves.” – Esther Littlefield 

John 3:16 tells us that God so loved the world, that He gave Jesus to die for the forgiveness of sins of all who would repent and accept His free gift of salvation and follow Him. So knowing this about the God of the universe, we should let that be our driving force in online communication. We are all called to live the inviting life, and even social media can be a place we do that.

Related Episodes and Posts:

• People Be Peoplin’ – The Need to Be Seen (episode 41)
• Salted Honey: The Words We Eat and the Words We Speak (episode 13)
• What Does Modesty Have to Do With Hospitality? (episode 8)
• Dwell Richly – The Word-Rich Inviting Life (episode 39)
• Hard Hospitality – Responding to “Pride” With Humility (episode 4)

Resources:

• Stay Salt, Rebecca Manley Pippert
• The Gospel Comes With A House Key, Rosaria Butterfield

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