Episode 4 – Hard Hospitality – Responding to “Pride” with Humility

Sometimes, hospitality – living the inviting life – just seems hard.  I reached out and asked listeners to share their questions about hospitality and studying the Bible.  Grace sent me the question of how to host well when someone personally makes you uncomfortable.  Specifically, what if someone identifies differently from their God-given sexuality?  What if someone considers themselves transsexual?

Sometimes, living the inviting life is hard.  Opening our lives and even our homes to someone else will stretch us – especially when it’s someone whose lifestyle choices are outside our comfort zone.

In essence, Grace is asking how Christians can use biblical hospitality to respond to the pride movement with humility.

Because of the way the enemy is working through the language of our society, many of us view sexual sin, and sexual identity, as an all-encompassing factor in how we interact with others right now.  But the truth is, any time someone is different from us, and particularly when that’s because they are openly practicing a sin or lifestyle that makes us uncomfortable, hospitality can be hard.

So with that in mind, let’s talk about how we can interact with the “pride movement” with humility.

Here are some ways we can be equipped to practice gospel-driven hospitality to those who are different from us in a way that makes us uncomfortable.

Pray.

God’s word tells us to pray always.  Prayer is our number one tool when it comes to living the inviting life.  James 5:16b says “The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” Ask God whom He wants you to “invite.”  Ask Him for the right timing, for discernment in approaching relationships and in carrying on conversations.  Ask Him to equip you to love well, to speak the truth, and to create welcome with your life, your calender and your home.  Ask Him when to speak and when to be quiet.  Most of all, ask Him to move in and through your life and in the lives of those He calls you to love well.

**Sometimes He may tell us it’s not the right time, or we are not the right person.  Keep praying.

Be humble.

We can have complete confidence in the sovereignty of God and the power of the gospel to transform dead people into living, thriving beings and still forget, as Paul said it, ” I AM the worst of sinners.” (See 1 Timothy 1:15.)  Our confidence in God’s ability can get twisted into  confidence in our own fallible selves.  We can forget that the battle of sin is still real and can still only be helped by His work!

Every one of us is in desperate need of God’s grace.  If He calls us to minister to someone who makes us uncomfortable, we need to remember we are only His because He saved us… and likely someone else reached out when we made them uncomfortable, too! 

Douglas Webster says this in his book Table Grace: “The Pharisees thought they were the quintessential insiders, but Jesus warned them if they did not receive His invitation, they would be on the outside. No matter how prominent a Pharisee might be, if he refused to enter through the narrow door, he would be left out of the Kingdom of God,” writes Webster. He then shows the simple act of breaking bread, saying table prayers and praying as Jesus did is an expression of hospitality in His name. He says “only the humble fit through the door and only the humble are the true recipients of the invitation.”

When we humble ourselves before God, we will be humbled as we look at others who also are in need of a savior.  😊

No matter who God calls us to interact with, if we see ourselves rightly in light of His holiness and our desperate need for Him, we will act rightly toward others.

Be wise and discerning.

We have to know God’s word.  The more we know and understand the gospel, the more it shapes our actions. Does that mean we have to have all the answers before we start inviting others into purposeful relationship?  No!  But it IS a reminder to study to show ourselves approved, rightly handling the word of truth (2 Timothy 2:15), and to “always be prepared to give an answer to anyone who asks, the reason for the hope that we have” (1 Peter 3:15).

The more we see other people through the lens of who God is and what He has done, the more it will drive how we see other people, and the more it will remove/overcome fear or any other obstacle that keeps us from loving well. BUT ALSO, the more we dwell with God in His word, the more His Spirit in us will give us discernment on when to speak and when to be quiet, when to engage and when to keep moving.

In Matthew 10, Jesus is instructing the disciples about how to go out into the world to share the gospel.  He tells them when they go out, to be “as wise as serpents, as harmless as doves.”  The NIV uses the word, “shrewd.”  Believers need wisdom – shrewdness – in interacting with all people.  We also need gentleness – and the Spirit will teach us how to have both.

“The world, then as now, was hostile to believers—not incidentally hostile, but purposefully hostile. Wolves are intentional about the harm they inflict upon sheep. In such an environment, the question becomes: “How can we advance the kingdom of God effectively without becoming predatory ourselves?” Jesus taught His followers that, to be Christlike in a godless world, they must combine the wisdom of the serpent with the harmlessness of the dove.” (source)

It’s important to remember: Jesus did not always engage… and He is our example for what godly interaction looks like in this #invitinglife!  One author counted more than 24 distinct mentions in the gospels of Jesus walking away from someone whether they wanted Him to or not, sometimes because He knew they were not open to the truth, sometimes because they meant Him harm, and sometimes because He was choosing God’s pattern of rest.  You can find examples of Jesus choosing disengagement in Matthew 5:1, Matthew 7:33, Matthew 8:18, Matthew 9:25, Matthew 13:36 and in many other instances.  In Luke 4, synagogue leaders were trying to throw Him off a cliff and Jesus “passed through their midst” and left.  He didn’t stay to argue with them; He knew His perfect timing.

“Sometimes to follow in the footsteps of Jesus is to walk away from others or to let them walk away from us…” and  “…the principle is clear: when truth is rejected, spend your time on those who will receive it instead of begging closed-hearted people to reconsider.” – Gary Thomas (Source)

We also have to remember that we can be tempted into the sin of another.  In 1 Corinthians 10, Paul warns the church to be careful because God’s people have fallen into sin many times throughout history.  He reminds them to be careful of many ways we can be tempted to sin, but also reminds us that God will always provide a way out of temptation.  An interesting note: verse 12 cautions: “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” The word “stands” refers to holding ground, being steadfast, and holding firmly to position.  So while we need to be careful not to needlessly cause offense, we are expected to remain steadfast to God’s Word. (Source)

 A great summary from Got Questions says this: “Successful Christian living requires that we strike the optimal balance between the dove and the serpent. We should strive to be gentle without being pushovers, and we must be sacrificial without being taken advantage of. We are aware of the unscrupulous tactics used by the enemy, but we take the high road. Peter admonishes us, ‘Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us'(1 Peter 2:12).” (Source)

Be transparent.

This follows under being humble and being discerning.  As we seek God’s leading, He will equip us to be honest about who we are before God, and honest with those we invite into relationship.  From there, our honesty may be a door He opens to someone hearing His goodness, His salvation, and His transforming work for themselves.  We don’t need to present ourselves as perfect, but rather as imperfect, saved, and being transformed!

Be loving (and interested).

Investing in kingdom-focused relationship building means we actually care about people; we aren’t just seeking to make a point.  Speaking the truth in love is a real thing – but it also needs to come in relationship.  It’s important to ask questions to get to know where someone is coming from, and then listen to their answers.  When we take the time to ask questions to get to know someone, as we are seeking discernment from the Spirit, we’ll learn when to speak and when to be quiet.

Be fearless.  (Matthew 10:26-33)

I detest the word “phobic” that’s attached to so many descriptions for how Christians respond to alternative lifestyle choices.  The message is that if we disagree with someone, we must be afraid of them.  And as much as I want to shout, “that’s ridiculous!!” – sometimes I think it is true. Even though we know Christ and the work He has done in this world, we can quickly become afraid of that which is unfamiliar to us.  The problem is, that “fear of man,” as scripture might word it, can make us paralyzed and/or hesitant to offer the truth others so desperately need to hear.

WE MUST REMEMBER:

Our confidence comes from God’s sovereignty in this world.  Remember, He is the one who raises people from the dead, and He is the one who convicts and transforms.  This takes all the pressure off of you to have the answers, and it removes all the pressure to try to control the outcome of gospel-driven relationship building.  It’s only when all our hope is placed in Christ’s transforming work that we can really use hospitality as a way to respond to “pride” with humility.

I’ve always thought this is ironic – when the words “homophobic,” and “transphobic” are tossed around, they’re meant to quiet dissenting voices.  But when our rightful fear is placed in God and not in man, it will actually make us more bold to speak the truth in love.

Jesus teaches us not to worry about the results.  We see in Matthew 10 that sometimes the gospel may cause division.  Sometimes it may cause frustration – even though Christ died for all, the message of the gospel will not be received by all.

Here is how we respond when the gospel causes offense:

1. We have to live with the confidence that He will take care of ultimate justice for those who reject Him and those who wrong His people.
2. We don’t worry needlessly about your own selves. Knowing that the gospel if often offensive and knowing there is a real enemy out to stop God’s people from speaking the truth in love, we move without fear of what will happen to us.  In fact, we invite others in relationship with a deep awareness that Jesus said it will be hard.
3. We continue to pray for God to do the work only He can do.
4. Ultimately and eternally speaking, God will take care of us!

When we obey His call to love others with the truth of the gospel, we can trust God with the ultimate outcome, for them and for ourselves.

But, friend, it is important to hold your ground.

The Bible is CLEAR about all sin, without the intervention of Christ’s saving power, having the consequence of death.  It is also clear that all sexual interaction, outside the covenantal relationship of marriage, which is between one man and one woman, is sin.  However, it is no worse in eternal consequence, nor any less insurmountable by God’s grace, than any other sin. 

In the church, we tend to elevate one type of sin over another.  God tells us that isn’t right.  While murder or wrongful sexual lifestyles may have greater consequences for individuals or for others affected, all sin is equal before God.  This is important to note because we don’t need to be afraid of someone practicing a certain type of sin, and we can have confidence that God can redeem anyone who repents, accepts the sacrifice Jesus made on his or her behalf, and submits his or her life to God’s sovereignty. We’ve also often bought into the enemy’s lie that sexual identity is complicated.  It isn’t. God laid it out in Eden, and His standard is still the same today. 

Remember: the enemy wants people to remain TRAPPED.  Dead in their sin.  Here’s something else ironic: the current assumption by the lost (and sometimes as Christians we unknowingly buy into it) is that first, we can’t help what we feel second (paradoxically): darn it, we CAN choose our identity, and no one can stop us or tell us we’re wrong.  By playing on fear or complicating the conversation, the enemy can often distract us from the true core of the issue – no matter what the sin, everyone who repents is given forgiveness in Christ, and He is fully capable of redeeming every single person who does so in response to His moving in hearts and minds.

A couple more thoughts as we seek to practice hospitality in a way that responds to “pride” with humility:

We must separate identity from behavior.  In today’s vernacular, sexual sin of choice becomes our identity – we cannot separate from it – which leaves us powerless. And yet paradoxically, we think we have the power to control that identity.

My kids laugh at me but, I’ve stopped using the phrase, “He’s gay,” or similar, and started saying, “She’s living a ‘fill-in-the-blank”’ lifestyle.”  But I’ve started doing this because I want to remember no one is defined by our sin of the moment – we are all either in Christ or not.  And that means there is room for God to move… and He may use our boldness to help others come to the point of accepting Him!  When He makes it clear the timing is right, we have to lovingly, unapologetically, fearlessly speak the truth in love – He commands us to do it!  Ephesians 4 25ff reminds us how to speak, and part of that instruction is to “put away falsehood.”  This is another discussion, but personally, that also guides how I will address “chosen pronouns,” when the opportunity arises.  I want to speak the truth, in love… and the truth is defined by God.

As Christians, sinners who were formerly dead and without hope, now redeemed and being transformed by God’s grace alone, we must boldly hold ground and speak the truth in love, as we are the salt and light He has called on His behalf in a world that needs Him.

In summary, when it comes to opening our lives and even our homes to others who are different from us, or those who are boldly and blatantly living in a sin that might make us uncomfortable, here are the tools I think we must have in our toolbelt for living the inviting life.

1. Pray: We ask God before we open our mouths or our days, to lead us to those He wants us to invite, and to lead us as we build relationships, for His glory!
2. Be humble: We recognize our own standing before God and then we approach anyone God brings into our lives with proper humility in light of His person and work.
3. Be wise and discerning: We seek to know God’s word and use the wisdom we receive from His Spirit in how we interact with those He has called us to invite.
4. Be transparent: We must be honest about both our helplessness without Christ, and our confidence IN Christ, as we build relationships for the sake of the gospel.
5. Be loving (and interested): We genuinely care about others because they are made in His image and because He has called us to “go into all the world and preach the gospel, making disciples…”
6. Be fearless: After all of the above, we speak the truth in love, without fear for our ultimate safety or justification… not because we are “all that,” but because He is.

Oh, friend, I’m praying that God uses these words to equip you to boldly and gently, with wisdom and gentle fearlessness, speak the truth in love as you live the #invitinglife.

RESOURCES:

• Got Questions: Wise as Serpents – Harmless as Doves
• Four Ways to Practice Intentional Hospitality
• Douglas Webster’s book, Table Grace
• Sermon: Jeremiah Riner, “The Final Verdict on Prayer,” from Calvary Bible Church, Duffield, VA

*Above links may include affiliate links, which help support this ministry at no cost (and sometimes a discount) for you.