For Christmas this year, I gave my mom and my daughter matching necklaces.  They are engraved with the Hebrew words for steadfast love.  I wanted them to have these because they are the women before and after me in my personal and faith heritage.  And perhaps not coincidentally, they are also the two people in my life (besides my husband) who model a characteristic I ache to embody: steadfastness.  These two women are faithfulness, defined.  Their lives are marked by a sort of fierce, unwavering, quiet commitment to God, to their people, and to their ideals.  And as I watched them open their gifts and put their necklaces on each other (tears streaming down my own face in thankfulness for a God who restores broken things and broken people), I knew that if I was going to chose a word for the year, it would be steadfast.

Steadfast is defined as: “resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering.”

A couple months ago, I scribbled these words onto a scrap of paper, then copied them intentionally into my planner, so they’d be always before me.  I want to remember that it’s His power that enables me to accomplish anything, and that He also gives me a responsibility to work hard at walking out the life I’m called to.

By God’s grace, I will cultivate a steadfast spirit that is not controlled by circumstances, but is controlled by the Holy Spirit.

Life in this season is a whirlwind (when is it ever not, I wonder?).  I’m walking through the season of parenting young adults and adding others to the family (Oh, God, what is this supposed to look like?!).  I’m learning what marriage should and can be, grieving what it is not, and looking forward to what it will become, fostering hope as I do.  I’m guiding the home-education of two high-schoolers and an elementary student.  I’m trying to figure out who I am, still, and leaning into who I am yet to become, begging my Papa for courage and strength to step into it, and challenging myself to listen and just do that.  I blog and write and teach and speak and photograph, in an attempt to capture the ridiculous grandeur of God’s work and to persuade others to join the journey (and wonder which of those things has He called me to continue and what should be dropped so that I’m free to run in the fields of grace He’s laid out?!).

I want to be a woman of steadfast love, living a steadfast life.

In all areas of my life, I want my walk, my talk, and my rest to reflect my knowledge that my hope, my success, and my standing do not depend solely on me.  In fact, they’re guided by a skilled Hand that painstakingly formed my marrow, my skin, and my mind before my young mother even knew I existed.  My identity and my purpose do not depend on my “success” by my standards or the world’s, and instead, I can be steadfast in my assurance that I am, and I am becoming, all the woman I need to be, as I yield, rather than strive.  In can be steadfast in my identity because it lies in the One who made me, and not in the actions of others or the results of my own work.  Understanding that, here’s what I long to be, and by faith I’m speaking for myself.

I will be a steadfast wife.

Listen – marriage is hard.  Over two decades in, I can look back and see incredible blessings and incredible struggle.  Today, I grieve what has been lost and missed along the way, but I look forward to what is yet to be learned and lived, and how we can yet grow in love.  Because our relationship requires work, but our covenant comes from God, I can be steadfast in my assurance that as I hunger to grow and obediently work at it, I am right where I need to be.  I can be steadfast.

I will be a steadfast mom.

There’s a sort of paradox in being a momma.  In some strange way, the more deeply we commit to parenting, the more our identity can seem to be bound up in our children.  Their actions in some way reflect who we are as parents, and at the least, they affect our emotions and thoughts as they move through life, making good and bad decisions.  (And heavens, even more so in an age of social media, where they purposefully or unwittingly broadcast their mistakes for the whole world to see.)  I want to be a woman whose identity is bound in my Maker, whose emotions aren’t swaying in the wind with every step my children take.  I want to resolutely stand as sister-in-Christ, defender, teacher, counselor, alongside my husband, knowing that the “results” of my parenting are not my identity – that regardless of their choices, I can be steadfast.

I will be a steadfast friend.

Friendships that are seasoned by trial and blessing are pure gold.  They’re rare, because it’s easy (and sometimes, sadly necessary) to part ways when crisis or disagreement hit.  I want to be a woman who recognizes my own need for grace and so offers it generously to others.  I want to be a woman who listens intently, speaks the truth in love, and whose loyalty is driven only by the vision of eternal purpose in my relationships.  I want to be braver to sort through the messy, listen for hard lessons, and stick in the conversations so growth can grow.  And I want to be a woman who is the friend of God, and so no matter what happens in human relationships, I can be steadfast.

I will be a steadfast student, teacher, and writer.

I’m a dreamer, a big-picture-girl, and I’m always straining toward “what’s next.”  I want to be settled where I am, while staying open to where I’ll be called next.  I want to commit to improving as a knowledgeable student of scripture, an artist and teacher and business owner, and I want to be challenged and growing as an encourager, living as salt and light to others as they come to know God personally and deeply.  And because who I am isn’t bound up in what I do or what I produce, I can yield to that “next,” as I follow the One who has created my calling, and I can be steadfast.

I will be a steadfast Jesus-girl.

Oh, this is the cry of my heart.  I want to know the God who made me, who forgives me, who redeemed and saves me, who is constantly transforming me, calling me deeper into knowing Him and wider into reflecting Him in the world.  I want to truly understand that my faithfulness is only and ever fueled by His faithfulness – to be a woman who seeks and sees His glory, and intentionally yields to His will.  And because He is the one who empowers my very ability to know Him, because my true, complete identity is only ever found in Him and He is steadfast, I can be steadfast.

I don’t want to be mystical and magical, proclaiming things I can’t control.  But I do want to be utterly driven by, and at rest in, the knowledge that every thing I do and make is valuable, only as it is an outpouring of who I am, which is defined by Whose I am.  I want to be steadfast, because the One who loves me, and to Whom I am devoted, is steadfastness.

What is your biggest challenge in walking out your calling?  What is your biggest desire in becoming all the person you are called to be?

A few more resources for you:

A post from Cara about something I struggle with often: being distracted.

I was inspired to write out my own goals when I noticed this post at “Being Confident of This.”