“But God, I DID THE RIGHT THINGS!”  I sobbed on the floor of my room, alternately angry at mankind and at the God who made us all.  Self-righteous in comparing myself to another, and questioning my own failures and even my right to call myself a wife, a mama, a woman of God, I poured out my fury during a time when people I loved had been wronged… myself included.  Even though I know in my head that God is sovereign and I’ve recited “all things work together…” over and over again in my life, when the rubber meets the road and hard things happen,  doubt and frustration pop up. When bad things happen to people we love, it can cause us to question the goodness (or even the existence) of God, to be angry at the people involved, and to doubt our own worthiness as we live out our lives and calling.

When these moments hit – when I come to a wall and I realize no matter how I’ve tried to do the right things (even taking into account the times I fall short), when I see that the formulas I unknowingly try to institute and follow don’t always add up to the perfect happy outcome I long for, I have to step back and lean into what is True.

I have to look for the facts that don't change even when the equation doesn't seem to be 'do this plus this and everything will work out ok.'Click To Tweet  Because we know this – things don’t always work out “ok.”  And still… I’m speaking these things to my heart (and maybe yours, too) – these things that DO hold fast even when the formula doesn’t work.

I can trust God to do good in my life and the lives of those I love… if.

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  This means that if my “people,” the ones I care about, are in Him, I can trust God to work for their best.  And because He is love – He will also work to draw those who don’t know Him to Himself – because He wants all to come to know His saving, transforming love.  (See 2 Peter 3:8-9, and more thoughts on this from Billy Graham’s ministry.)  Isaiah 42:8 tells us “I am the Lord: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another.”  He will always bring about His glory – because He is deserving – from any situation.  When I can’t see a “good” end, when I don’t think choices others make are for the best, when I think I can fix it… I can trust that the One who knows all and is worthy of all glory – He will work for GOOD – the good of those who are His, and for His GLORY.

The truth doesn’t change with my circumstances.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”  How many times has this been emblazoned on a sign, printed on a pretty plaque, pinned to an inpsrational board?  It sounds like such a sweet and hope-filled promise, guaranteed to lift me from the mire of my everyday imperfect reality.   We think, “If I could just get with the program, God’s got magical things planned for me.”  But head over to Jeremiah 29 and take a peek at this little platitude in context.  It was given from the prophet Jeremiah “to the surviving elders among the exiles and priests: and prophets and tons of others who were in exile at the hands of a wicked man.”  And these people are told to settle down and make a home in this land of exile and to take advantage of the provisions of this land of oppressors.  To thrive and prosper WHILE IN CAPTIVITY. 

God's people are told to find joy right where they are, above and beyond and amidst a dark and imperfect situation.Click To Tweet They’re reminded that their future is secure, their value is immeasurable, their love is guaranteed, by the God who is utterly in charge, even when their circumstances seem to deny that Truth.  I may feel broken, hopeless, betrayed, and see no light at the end of a time of struggle in my own life or the life of someone I love – but outside, beyond, and over it all is One who IS hope, and who ultimately, has a handle and an outcome planned that I can’t imagine.

I can find joy in my eternal status, even when my temporal status seems bleak.

Even when things look dark, even when I can’t see a way forward, even when my very survival or that of one I love seems questionable, there is a loving God who looks out for me.  (See Matthew 6:25-27.)  The little carefree birds who perch in impossible spots – they’re cared for.  They don’t follow a formula and they don’t agonize over predictions of a coming storm.  They don’t strategize twenty-seven options for a response when someone speaks ugly words or panic over how to counter a wretched choice a beloved seems about to make.  And my goodness, I am so much more loved and valued than those little winged creatures, and I can find joy in every moment I’m allowed to live and fly, even when that living involves struggle.  Even when (not that this has ever happened to me), I find myself in a public restroom, hiding in a stall, biting my cheek for a quick silent prayer and cry because a real-life parenting moment looks about to end in a horrible turn of events, and there’s nothing I can do to force the outcome otherwise.  Even when I have no control and it seems it’ll be the highway over my way, I can wipe the tears from my cheeks and embrace the people in my life who   (And when I refuse to find joy, when I determine to wallow in the circumstance instead of promised Hope, it will break me – more thoughts on that here.)

Ultimately, I’m not the boss.

… and that’s a good thing.

I would like to think I know all the answers.  I certainly told my kids that a few times over the years.  But I don’t.  And I don’t know the best steps to take every time and I don’t know the outcome and I don’t know how to make the hard things go away and I can’t see how those hard things will be eventually used for good.  GOOD.  So I have to lean into the truths that:

• “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord – He turns it wherever He will.” (Proverbs 21:1)
• “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:21)
• God will “have mercy on whom I have mercy,” and He will “have compassion on whom He will have compassion.  So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy.”  (Romans 9:15-16)
• God is the one who kills and makes alive, wounds and heals, and no one can snatch us from His hand – He knows what He’s doing and He has the power to do it.  (Deuteronomy 32:39)

When my formula doesn’t work – when bad things happen to the ones I love (or to me) – I set aside the formula.  The formula is no guarantee that I can control outcomes.  I have to die to the notion that I’m in control – because I’m not.  But the One who is in control – He can be trusted, because He is love – and He is Good.

Inspiring welcome (of Truth and Hope),

Angela