Episode 8 – What Does Modesty Have to Do With Hospitality?

A few weeks ago my dear friend and “little sister” in Jesus suggested we talk about modesty on the podcast.  At first, I thought, “is that the right place to talk about it?  What does modesty have to do with hospitality, with living the “inviting life?”  Well, then I did some digging in scripture.

Modesty has its place in a conversation about living the “inviting life,” because that life is all about glorifying Christ with how we live, and inviting others into fellowship as a means to fellowship with Him.

You see, all Christians are called to live the “great commission,” and all Christians are called to be modest. 

For our purposes here, I’m going to define modesty as “a proper treatment, for a watching world, of the bodies God designed in His image, that actively and intentionally seeks to glorify Him in those bodies.”  We are inviting others into fellowship with us as we fellowship with Christ.  And we are “in Christ” if we are “walking in the light.”  This means living godly lives.

1 Timothy speaks specifically to church leadership requirements and to the Christian life, and there are some interesting connections in these passages.

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.” – 1 Timothy 3:2-3, ESV

Other versions of this verse use the phrase “of good behavior” where we see “respectable” above. The same Greek root word used in this passage is also found in this passage often used to talk with women about modesty: 

“…likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire…” –1 Timothy 2:9

Notice that women “adorn themselves” – they’re not dressing in sackloth here – but they’re doing it modestly.  The Greek word for “respectable” above is the same as the word “modesty” here; the word is “Kosmios” – and it can be translated, “orderly, well-ordered, modest, with decorum.”

Romans 12:1-3 tells us:  “Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable by God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds… “  God calls us to dedicate these bodies, that He made, back to Himself.

As Christ-followers, we are to stand out in this world, to be radically different in a world that is obsessed with – and utterly confused in – identity.  

We can’t be like, live like, behave like, or even dress like the world without Christ lives.  

Meggie Cotonethal says: “Conversely, Christians are called to make much of Christ, to make him our identity. Our manner and appearance should be so empty of self that others don’t have to make an effort to forget what we wore, or our particular hairstyle, or what stuff we possess.” – source

In order to better understand the connections between our bodies and our apparel, between the Christian life and modesty, I went back to the beginning, digging into Genesis in the first moments of life on the earth.

• In Genesis 1:27, we see that our identity was clearly established by God at the outset of creation.  “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

• In Genesis 2:25, we see that before sin entered the world, our unclothed bodies were a part of the freedom Adam and Eve enjoyed together, free from guilt or shame. “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

• In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve sin – they disobey the one command God has given them with limitations.  And immediately, they hide from God and try to cover their bodies.  Their spiritual shame is reflected in their physical bodies.  Interestingly, a friend recently shared that many times, an abused person will try to “hide” in baggy clothes or conversely, they may dress provocatively, to show off their bodies to over-compensate for shame.  (Shame, incidentally, that they do not own.)

• In Genesis 3:21 in an incredible foreshadowing, God makes clothing for them from animal skins to physically cover their spiritual shame.  And in this act of grace, God uses the death of animals to “cover” their sin.

“When God tailored the first clothes for Adam and Eve (clothes that, I’m convinced, were beautifully made and not at all the ragged Fred Flintstone outfits pictured in Sunday school materials), he was expressing something about who they were: fallen and yet tenderly cared for by God. And everything we’ve pulled out of our closets in the generations since ought to tell a similar story.” – source (Megan Hill for The Gospel Coalition) (Not your own, a woman, called to serve, part of a community)

• Now let’s flash forward to an incredible scene that in a sense seems to reverse this shameful moment!  In Revelation 19:6-10, THE BRIDE of Christ is fully clothed, and it is glorious – and it points to God’s good works. “Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,  “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.  Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.  And the angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.’ And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”  Then I fell down at his feet to worship him, but he said to me, “You must not do that! I am a fellow servant with you and your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God.”

Here’s the thing: as Christians, how we dress, and how we use our bodies, should always glorify God.  

This is the essence of the heart behind being “modest” as we live the inviting life.

Here are some truths from scripture that shape our understanding of the importance and practice of modesty.

1. We are made in God’s image.  We are created to reflect His glory.
2. We are made as male and female.  Our dress should reflect this!  Deuteronomy 22:5 warns that men should not dress as women, nor women as men; it is actually called an “abomination.”  I believe this is because it degrades that uniqueness God designed for mankind, and it disrespects His authority and creative ownership.
3. In living the inviting life, we are called to invite others into our fellowship, never making them feel left out. In 1 Corinthians 11 we see a warning about this.  Some members of the church are sharing the Lord’s supper while some miss out.  We are reminded to conduct ourselves in a way that others feel welcome, and in some sense we do that with what we wear and how we carry ourselves.  
4. We are called to reverence God and what we wear can be part of that.  Think about attending a formal event; does how we carry ourselves or how we dress honor God and honor the occasion, or does it make us stand out as the star of the show?

When it comes to modesty, we do need to talk about what we actually wear.  Here are some things to consider.

Practical tips for clothing:

• We should not be overly showy.  We don’t want to be women of pride, making others feel uncomfortable or “less-than” with how we dress.
• We should not be overly exposing or drawing attention to what Paul calls “unpresentable.”  As we teach even little ones, our “private parts” should be private.
• We should not be drawing attention to self over the glory of God.  What we wear and how we carry ourselves shouldn’t make others think less of God and more of us.
• We should not be wasting our freedom and making an idol of ourselves.  Sometimes we do this by demanding our “right” to dress how we want; often this is reflected in dressing provocatively.

It’s important to recognize, “modesty,” and what is acceptable clothing-wise, can in some sense be cultural.  I’ve lived in Indiana, in Florida, on the New Jersey shore, and in southwest Virginia and weather and tradition play a huge part in what is acceptable and proper, and what is distracting.  HOWEVER, no matter what is “acceptable” in the culture we’re in, we are still to be careful to honor God, honor our bodies, honor others’ convictions, and honor our sexuality.

A few years ago there was a big backlash to the idea that women might “cause men to stumble.”  In an effort to hold men responsible for their own thoughts and behavior, women stomped their feet and loudly defended their right to dress and act as they wanted, because “a victim is not to blame.”  This is TRUE – we can NEVER blame women for a man’s sin.  

But women, before God, we ARE responsible for our part in bringing temptation.  

Are we free to dress however we want?  Yes – Paul speaks over and over in his letters to the church – and he also reminds them, and us, that we aren’t to abuse our freedom.  We submit it to God for His glory and for the good of others!

But Romans 12:41 also tells us to be careful of taking advantage of ANY freedom that could tempt a brother or sister to sin.  If God has convicted my sister to avoid alcohol, I’m sinning if I flaunt my “freedom” to have a glass of wine and so entice her to sin against her God-given boundaries.  In the same way, while it is ALWAYS the responsibility of each of us to submit our thoughts and actions to obedience to Christ, we can sin before Him if we use our so-called freedom of dress to negatively influence another.

And one more caution: we are wise women to be mindful of what we post publicly.  This is a much bigger platform for our testimony, for the good or the bad.

I’m floored by this exhortation from a sister in Christ:

“I sometimes find myself wanting to say to Christian women: ‘Do you know who you are? God made you a woman. Accept His gift. Don’t be afraid to be feminine and to add physical and spiritual loveliness to the setting where He has placed you. You are a child of God. You are a part of the bride of Christ. You belong to the King—you are royalty.” “…Dress and conduct yourself in a way that reflects your high and holy calling. God has called you out of this world’s system—don’t let the world press you into its mold. Don’t think, dress, or act like the world; inwardly and outwardly, let others see the difference He makes in your life.“ – Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth, Lies Women Believe

But it’s important to remember, this conversation about modesty in the area of sexual sin is just part of a bigger conversation of how we use our freedom in clothing ourselves.  There are lots of ways we might be immodest without it really having to do with our apparel.  Here are a few.

Examples of ways we might behave immodestly:

1. At a church service or other event – do we move through a room in a way that intentionally draws attention to ourselves?  When we’re coming late to service or leaving – are we looking around, going to the front of the room, talking, etc?  Or do we humbly have our head down, singing the songs, listening to the message, or engaging in a way that allows attention to be elsewhere?
2. Are we guilty of being a know-it-all?  (Ok GOODNESS, creating a podcast hits home… you find yourself noticing all the ways you live out the things you’re studying to teach!)  It’s important to remember, any knowledge/wisdom we have is a gift from God and we have to humbly point to Him as we learn.
3. We might be practicing false modesty: deflecting when receiving a compliment, looking for ways to get another, gaining greater attention by denying it, etc.  What if, instead of pretending we don’t have gifts, talents, and inherent loveliness, when someone compliments us we said something like, “Isn’t God awesome?” or “I’m thankful He allowed me to do this or that…”
4. Do we find ourselves dressing under or over for an occasion in a way that demands attention?  I’ve known an acquaintance who was lovely host and a beautiful woman.  But she wore clothing, carried herself, and hosted events in a way that pointed others to herself and often made them feel uncomfortable or “less than.”
5. When we’re hosting, do we create a beautiful setting to point to our cooking, decorating, or hosting abilities, or to make someone feel comfortable or loved?
6. Even in conversation – am I that person who has to dominate conversation or draw attention to herself?  

We can, in modesty, avoid these behaviors for the good of our family in Christ AND unbelievers who may be watching.  1 Peter 2:12 says, “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”  1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 affirms the church at Thessalonica as they, “aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one.”

Questions to ask ourselves:

1. Is my heart as I get dressed today to give glory to God or to give glory to myself?
2. Am I seeking fulfillment from my Heavenly Father or am I seeking the attention of someone else?  
3. Does how I am dressing or how I am using my body reflect all the character of God or does it draw attention to me?
4. Am I seeking to point others to the goodness of God or am I idolizing my so-called “rights” and “freedom?”
5. Am I seeking to create a place of comfort and welcome for others or am I looking to show off my abilities, talents, gifts?

Living modestly is to proclaim what is proper, just like the orderly cosmos. “Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!” (Psalm 115:1). Our true glory is only uncovered as we shout with joy about him. – source

Resources:

This is a fantastic article on The Gospel Coalition

Meggie Cotonethal for Desiring God

Garments of Splendor “Scriptures About Modesty Your Daughter Should Know”

Got Questions on Modesty

EXCELLENT article from David Mathis for Desiring God  on being above reproach as an elder

Looking for more?  

• Listen to the powerful testimony of how God redeemed Kim and her marriage beyond addiction and false religion.
• Learn three things you can do today to grow in the inviting life!

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